hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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