he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You took a bar mat shot.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
