I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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