soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
