please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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