Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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