I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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