So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
