my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
