So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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