So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
