I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
