She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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