I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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