just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
