We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
