2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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