I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
