Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
