____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
