I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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