It's like God shit irony all over that family
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
