I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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