i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
