She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
