Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
