I could make wine with my vomit
time to smoke my breakfast
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
