it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
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I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
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I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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