she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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