My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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