note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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