Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
