Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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