I must be too annoying 4 u.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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