where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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