Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
