You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
