and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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