why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
