i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
did you just send me my own nude
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