He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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