Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
