Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
