A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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