it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
