if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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