Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
