Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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