So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
