Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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