tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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