i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize