oh god the rape fog is back!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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