It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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