guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You can't special order awesome
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize