You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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