I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
