how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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