Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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