You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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