sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
