If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
