So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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