And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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