id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
