he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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