I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
