I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
