summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
then he tried to convert me to islam
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
