I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
