I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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